Freedom to Choose = Freedom to be Unhappy

Freedom to Choose = Freedom to be Unhappy. Accept it. It has been proved. Don’t believe me?

Watch Dan Gilbert's Phenomenal TED Talk here

http://www.ted.com/talks/dan_gilbert_asks_why_are_we_happy.html

 

Makes Sense? It does to me. Completely.

Modern societies that allow you choice for everything -from which underwear type to wear, which toothpaste to use  , what car to drive , which man you want to marry and which leader should lead you  - are also the unhappiest. How do I know? Well, I used to work in Pharmaceuticals, and happen to know that Antidepressants are the largest selling category of drugs in the whole world.

‘ Choice’ –or specifically –the buyer’s remorse’ phenomenon plays out in many different ways, many different places. It explains why fresh minted MBA’s from top business schools (atleast in India) tend to switch jobs frequently and are still unhappy. It explains why our kids always seem dissatisfied in spite of having so many choices, why people surf channels so much instead of watching any one thing.

I have seen up close several couples in old style arranged marriages in my parents’ generation. I can say for sure that they are way happier with their marriages than people in my generation. Because people in my generation believe they have the choice to quit. It’s that simple. Really. I am talking averages here – not extreme case where spousal abuse is involved-so don’t throw that at me.

Why is democracy considered a better form of leadership than a monarchy or a dictatorship? Because people get to ‘choose’. I live in a country that has both a monarchy and a democracy. People love the monarchy, and people just can’t seem to decide which elected leader they really like. Maybe because they can ‘choose’ the latter –and overthrow them again if they don’t like what they see? How many of us in democracies really LIKE our leaders ? Very very few. Now I am not advocating dictatorship here, but really, if you were in one-where you had a fair degee of freedom, would it be that bad ?

Having excessive choice forces our brains into thinking that there is one optimal choice hidden in between all those choices-one that is fit just for us. And we need to use our super-smart brains to figure out which one. What if there is nothing called ‘optimal’? That you will be no happier in Tata Nano as you will be in a Mercedes Benz- especially if you knew that is all you could have and you could not choose.  Unnecessary choice inundates us, confuses us-puts stress on us to ‘choose the best’ – when we don’t really know what ‘best’ is. And after we choose, we are still thinking ‘did we choose well?’ Did we make the best ‘choice’?

They say ‘children need structure’. That an authoritative style of parenting produces well-adjusted kids. What if that is true for adults as well? Take away the unnecessary ‘choices’ in your head – and see your stress and unhappiness disappear. I have tried it. It works.