Year in Review : 2017

he end to another year is here, and somehow, this one just sped by. It was a humdrum year, remarkable in its ordinariness - with good days and a few great ones and bad days and luckily not that many terrible ones. Good relationships got better, stale ones sped towards their inevitable demise. WhatsApp Friendships and Group Chats took precedence over physical meetings and group get-togethers, except for one spectacular vacation with friends. Digital relationships, one discovered are a very poor substitute for human connection . If one looked for one or two unifying themes to the year - they were around parenting and work. The job of a parent is an exciting one - as our roles keep evolving thoughout the lifespan of our children. As Trayi came into her own as an almost adult this year, I saw myself sliding into the role of confidante sometimes, guide other times. A fun phase has begun in our relationship and this was probably my highlight of the year, and I hope, will be the highlight my next several years. My relationship with my work was more complex - as intensely satisfying as it is - I came to accept that satisfaction and happiness don't always coincide. There were rough days and stressful ones and moments of high, and days when it sometimes didn't feel worth the ride, one crisis after the next, and yet, through it all, what never left was the clarity that there was nothing else one would rather do, of gratitude to the universe for the opportunity to build something, however small. And through it all came the realisation that happiness - that sense of continuous delirium - is not only utopian, it is sometimes a lesser goal to aspire for. The perennially hungry can never be happy- the need to push the envelope, the restlessness all come from the innate dissatisfaction with the status quo. And this year I humbly submitted to myself that happiness, in my current life phase, was a distant utopian goal. That not only was stress a constant companion, I seemed to enjoy its company. 2018, even if it gives me the more of the same of 2017, while hopefully teaching me to care better for my own health, I won't complain.

20 Dec 2017, 10:01

Annual Retrospective 2016

2016 was a milestone year in several important ways- it was the year I turned 40, the first full year I spent working in an office after 2010 ; the year, after several years of wishing, dabbling, flirting with entrepreneurship, our venture (entrepreneurship is a major team effort, and I have a cofounder.) began to take wings and fly ; the first full year Ajit and I spent apart as a couple, and as a family ; the year our daughter attained puberty. I guess, if I was forced to choose one word to describe the year, it would be bittersweet. Turning 40 – leaving my youth behind was decidedly bittersweet, entrepreneurship with its highs and lows is certainly bittersweet, so is being the parent of a rapidly evolving child and being and having a weekend spouse. A second word would be balance – and constantly fighting to keep it, while fearing to lose it – not just between my various persona- as a colleague, a homemaker, a mother, a daughter, a friend, a lover ; but also inside me – between dejection and hope at events global, local and personal, between compassion and hardheartedness (especially at work with my young, loving wards) between laziness and perseverance, between trying to stay in control and wanting not to be, between going with the flow and holding back, between euphoria and detachment, between fear and trust. I revised a few life lessons along the way – that being hopeful, optimistic, and positive is often difficult, but there is no other way to be ; that when you give people your trust, not everybody will honor it, but the ones that do will make it worth your while; that the truest of friends will show up to celebrate with you, and they will also be there to hold you in times of despair ; that it is always important to keep your heart open to new kinships, because sometimes you find them in unlikely places, with the unlikeliest of people, irrespective of age, or gender ; that life will always have a trick up her sleeve and your best countermove is to go with the flow ; that the apparently superficial offers plenty, if fleeting, moments of joy, that the search for depth sometimes sidesteps; that laughter is not only the best medicine, it makes a bitter pill easy to swallow. Yes, on balance, 2016 has been a bittersweet, milestone year, that I will remember and cherish – the black, the white and the many hues of gray (pun unintended) in between – for a long time. I don’t know what 2017 will bring, but even if the mix it churns out is half as interesting, I am hooked.