Amma’s story ended midsentence. A life in motion, that was being lived, that had every intent to continue living. Her beautiful Indira Broker tussar silk saree-laid out to be worn in the morning, lying on the chair by her bedside. A new Ikat saree I had gifted her the previous day, tucked away in the cupboard. Her accounts notebook, updated till the last penny spent , with a pen inside, waiting hopefully to be used the next day. Her dentures lying in water waiting for her to pick them up the next morning. Death is often like that, I now intimately recognize. It doesn’t wait for you to finish your story. For you to say ‘Now I am ready’.
After all the ceremonies ended, I spent the better part of the next 10 days, sorting through stuff in Amma and Appa’s home. Stuff, that Amma collected over the years, and preserved, but stuff that to Appa or to any of us, without Amma, is worthless. There were little fruit forks that I remember taking out of Amma’s crockery cupboard and playing with as 3-4-year-old. Forks, I have never seen used by Amma, intact still mostly, still awaiting their turn. Kept away carefully..just in case.. 3 orange melamine cups that used to belong to a larger family of dinnerware. Not used in 3 decades at least, but kept, just in case. A gas lighter, that stopped working a few years ago, but preserved because – maybe it could be cleaned and made to work? Another, barely working, but kept in use anyway. That large kadhai, used once a year when Amma made pickles at home. A shelf full of pickles of different vintages, made lovingly for her children, her sisters, her friends. Tuar Dal, Imli, Gud, Whole Red Chillis - bought for the year and kept in large tins. Those lamps we picked up together at Fab India when I used to be in college in Bangalore over 20 years ago ; lamps that stopped working many eons ago, but Amma held on to..just in case…Religious prayer books by the dozen- in Tamil, Malyalam, Sanskrit- Popular prayers and the Neglected ones. With detailed meanings and without. A travel copy– light to carry- and an at home copy, and that 3rd copy..just in case.. Glassware – intact pieces, and chipped ones too. In sets complete and some incomplete one too. Crockery - Odd ball singletons, couples, and whole extended families. Steel utensils she cooked every day in for 50 years, and steel utensils that lay unused in cartons. Shelves filled with dozens of décor objects – both beautiful and banal - that little doll she bought in the dollar store in US, that damaged Devi (goddess) statue, she wouldn’t throw away.. Ganesha statutes in myriad materials, shapes and sizes. Plastic Ziploc bags collected over the years- enough to need a travel bag to store them in. Plastic bags and shopping bags, collected and stored, for re-use someday. Giftwraps, painstakingly removed from received gifts, folded and kept…just in case. Gifts to be given- a cupboard full of them. I didn’t have the courage to sort through her personal possessions just yet. Her over 200 sarees- over a dozen brand new- bought or received as gifts. Some still in their original plastic covers. Some – with their ‘fall’ stitched, some with their blouses newly stitched too- all waiting patiently for their turn to be worn. Her few dozen bags and purses – the little change purse where she kept coins to the large travel purse she bought in Bangkok’s China Town. Stuff, stuff, so much stuff..Stuff that was left for me to organize, keep, give away or throw away. Every single piece worthless without her to enjoy them now..
Amma, compared to me, was frugal, careful, actually. I am a shopaholic in comparison. I know I speak for my generation, my peer group when I say that we all spend so much of our lives collecting, cherishing valuing physical, possessions. We all own more than we need, much more than we can meaningfully use, and often more than we even want. We run around like headless chickens, so we can earn more to buy even more. Entire global economies run on the premise that people need and want more stuff. We have somehow built an insatiable desire to own more and more. And the price we pay – our health, our peace of mind, our relationships, just so we can work harder to earn more, just so we can own even more stuff. Most of it, pointless, worthless. Where does it all stop, I wonder. Everything we own, will become orphaned, useless, in literally an instant one day. And somebody else will be left with the job of sorting thru it all - wondering how to dispose it all off. Wouldn’t we be better off, if we started to be mindful about what we own and how much we own ? If we started to think before we bought that thousandth outfit, or 50th shoe – do I really need this ? If we start to part with things we don’t really use anymore – even if we are attached to them - and as we go along, learn to make do with less and less ?
I am struck by the wisdom of our ancestors- about living a full life for 25 years – Grihastashram’ so to say – and then transition to ‘Vanaprathashram’ – simpler living so to speak. Is it within me to actually start doing this ? I don’t really know yet. But as start, I have pledged not to buy anything that I can’t immediately consume or don’t absolutely need, till Amma’s first anniversary. I already own too much
Nothing inessential or superfluous is my promise. No new clothes (with some essential exemptions), no funky jewellery, no bags, no fancy footwear unless the current ones are completely worn out, not one more piece of home décor, crockery, or glassware or cookware. No physical books either. A kindle maybe – so I can read without buying books, but no physical books for sure. This might be a small step towards owning less, but for somebody like me who derives joy in shopping, a very tough one. All the best to me. Wish me good luck.
After all the ceremonies ended, I spent the better part of the next 10 days, sorting through stuff in Amma and Appa’s home. Stuff, that Amma collected over the years, and preserved, but stuff that to Appa or to any of us, without Amma, is worthless. There were little fruit forks that I remember taking out of Amma’s crockery cupboard and playing with as 3-4-year-old. Forks, I have never seen used by Amma, intact still mostly, still awaiting their turn. Kept away carefully..just in case.. 3 orange melamine cups that used to belong to a larger family of dinnerware. Not used in 3 decades at least, but kept, just in case. A gas lighter, that stopped working a few years ago, but preserved because – maybe it could be cleaned and made to work? Another, barely working, but kept in use anyway. That large kadhai, used once a year when Amma made pickles at home. A shelf full of pickles of different vintages, made lovingly for her children, her sisters, her friends. Tuar Dal, Imli, Gud, Whole Red Chillis - bought for the year and kept in large tins. Those lamps we picked up together at Fab India when I used to be in college in Bangalore over 20 years ago ; lamps that stopped working many eons ago, but Amma held on to..just in case…Religious prayer books by the dozen- in Tamil, Malyalam, Sanskrit- Popular prayers and the Neglected ones. With detailed meanings and without. A travel copy– light to carry- and an at home copy, and that 3rd copy..just in case.. Glassware – intact pieces, and chipped ones too. In sets complete and some incomplete one too. Crockery - Odd ball singletons, couples, and whole extended families. Steel utensils she cooked every day in for 50 years, and steel utensils that lay unused in cartons. Shelves filled with dozens of décor objects – both beautiful and banal - that little doll she bought in the dollar store in US, that damaged Devi (goddess) statue, she wouldn’t throw away.. Ganesha statutes in myriad materials, shapes and sizes. Plastic Ziploc bags collected over the years- enough to need a travel bag to store them in. Plastic bags and shopping bags, collected and stored, for re-use someday. Giftwraps, painstakingly removed from received gifts, folded and kept…just in case. Gifts to be given- a cupboard full of them. I didn’t have the courage to sort through her personal possessions just yet. Her over 200 sarees- over a dozen brand new- bought or received as gifts. Some still in their original plastic covers. Some – with their ‘fall’ stitched, some with their blouses newly stitched too- all waiting patiently for their turn to be worn. Her few dozen bags and purses – the little change purse where she kept coins to the large travel purse she bought in Bangkok’s China Town. Stuff, stuff, so much stuff..Stuff that was left for me to organize, keep, give away or throw away. Every single piece worthless without her to enjoy them now..
Amma, compared to me, was frugal, careful, actually. I am a shopaholic in comparison. I know I speak for my generation, my peer group when I say that we all spend so much of our lives collecting, cherishing valuing physical, possessions. We all own more than we need, much more than we can meaningfully use, and often more than we even want. We run around like headless chickens, so we can earn more to buy even more. Entire global economies run on the premise that people need and want more stuff. We have somehow built an insatiable desire to own more and more. And the price we pay – our health, our peace of mind, our relationships, just so we can work harder to earn more, just so we can own even more stuff. Most of it, pointless, worthless. Where does it all stop, I wonder. Everything we own, will become orphaned, useless, in literally an instant one day. And somebody else will be left with the job of sorting thru it all - wondering how to dispose it all off. Wouldn’t we be better off, if we started to be mindful about what we own and how much we own ? If we started to think before we bought that thousandth outfit, or 50th shoe – do I really need this ? If we start to part with things we don’t really use anymore – even if we are attached to them - and as we go along, learn to make do with less and less ?
I am struck by the wisdom of our ancestors- about living a full life for 25 years – Grihastashram’ so to say – and then transition to ‘Vanaprathashram’ – simpler living so to speak. Is it within me to actually start doing this ? I don’t really know yet. But as start, I have pledged not to buy anything that I can’t immediately consume or don’t absolutely need, till Amma’s first anniversary. I already own too much
Nothing inessential or superfluous is my promise. No new clothes (with some essential exemptions), no funky jewellery, no bags, no fancy footwear unless the current ones are completely worn out, not one more piece of home décor, crockery, or glassware or cookware. No physical books either. A kindle maybe – so I can read without buying books, but no physical books for sure. This might be a small step towards owning less, but for somebody like me who derives joy in shopping, a very tough one. All the best to me. Wish me good luck.
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