The Orange Peel

Motherhood. A journey of discovery for both of us-child and mother.  An exhilarating voyage of surprising highs, but also, sudden twists and hidden pitfalls. 

An opportunity to imprint a sensitive mind arrives suddenly. Like a dinner guest who turns up without prior notice. You dig into your bag of tricks and rustle up something quickly. And serve it with trepidation. Is it palatable ? Make the lesson too spicy and it will scald. Make it bland, without taste, and the lesson is quickly forgotten. The dinner guest sent away. An opportunity lost. 

Last week, my 9 year-old surprises me as I serve her supper.  'Mommy, lots of people say I am pretty'. 

Hmmm. 

I probe a little. "Who are these lots of of people, dearie" ?  Secretly, I pray that these 'lots of people' are not gender opposite. Luckily, for the time being, the admirers are more benign. 

But the discussion is far from complete. A lesson is begging to be imparted. But this is a tricky subject. Beauty (real or perceived) and its twin, vanity are usually inseparable.  Awareness of one invites the other in. And vanity nurtured excessively can become an inconsiderate house-guest. Driving out many other legitimate residents — curiosity, ambition, personality, character.  But vanity banished away: Is that desirable? I wonder.  Vanity nourished, but not over-fed, could prove to be a useful ally, is it not ? 

A deft walk on a tightrope needs to be accomplished. A nuanced message to be imparted, to an impressionable 9 year old. 

But, attempt I must.  

"Baby, do you want to be the peel of an orange or the full orange"  

Trayi gives me a confused look, as we walk up the stairs.  Orange? Peel ?? 

I decide to push further.

"People who just see you and say you are beautiful are appreciating just the orange peel". 

"You mean they should look at my muscles" ? She queries, as she flexes her muscles, preening in front of a mirror. 

I try to regain balance. Prevent tripping from the tightrope. 

"Your beauty, the external, is the peel. Your personality, your character, your intellect, your skills — these make up the inside, the actual orange. " 

"Ohhh, got it." She beams.  "I want to be an orange, of course." 

Pitched like this, I know I am positioned for victory. Who would settle for being a peel when you can be the orange?  Seek depth. Do not settle for the superficial. Do not settle to be only superficial. The peel by itself is worthless. Beauty without depth, vacuous.

But the imprint needs to burn deeper. Burnished in the mind so its effect will persist. 

"Trayi, as you grow older, there will be people, (I mean boys ofcourse) who will be drawn to you for your appearance alone. These are the peel lovers. Always choose friends  (I worry about the boyfriends, obviously) who value your amazing personality, your mind, your heart. Who know to value the whole orange, not just the peel. "

Trayi is raiding my wardrobe now, trying to locate her favourite nightdress. My nightdress : oversized, yet prized. Is she listening, I wonder. 

So I revise the chapter. Revisit the basics. Get her to recite the concepts 

Peel= Appearance

Orange = Real you. Your buddhi. 

She summarises succinctly. I breathe relief. The idea has made home. Yes, there are further nuances, but those can wait. Besides, with every revisit, the idea will expand. Maybe even morph a little, as theory encounters life. 

For now, just one little task remains. Triangulate theory with example. Make it all less esoteric. 

The dad is in the room now, and his presence will be utilised. 

"Sweetie, what do you think daddy loves about mommy the most?". The dad has had several years of training on this one. I know he will deliver. "Mommy's smarts" He remembers his lines, without prompting. Without context, either.  I beam with pride. Not at the compliment, but at my coaching.  

"So daddy loves the orange, not the peel. OK ?"

She looks from daddy to mommy and runs to cuddle in between, eyes droopy. 

As I review the chapter in my head, I wonder if I have managed to impart what I set out to. 

Be aware of your physical appearance, but do not make it central to who you are. Cultivate your mind, your personality, your character, your skills.

Did I navigate the tightrope without tripping ? Time will inform me. Eventually.