While in Bangkok, for some silly reason, I never drove. For all of the six years. Don't ask me why. I don't know. I just never did.
Now it is now that I don't like driving. To put things in perspective - I learnt driving when I was 15 and have loved to drive ever since - except in situations when my husband is sitting next to me.
You see -being in a car -and being a passenger next to me- brings out the monster in my husband.
In our decade long marriage, it is safe to say that half of all our fights have been in a car. And many many of those fights -especially in out first year of marriage - have been about my driving. So, even today, I avoid taking the wheel, if the screaming monster and I are going to be in the car together - there is much more peace and quiet when the monster is kept busy with the job of driving.
Anyways, now that I am back, I want to start driving once again. My first day on the streets of Pune was a terrifying experience. Not that I had to go far - just cross the road to the other side, where the school bus would come. But the vehicle just kept zooming past and nobody seemed to giving way. I somehow completed the terrifying task of crossing over and back - but I felt like a complete imposter. A con-woman trying to pull a fast one on my fellow drivers - all zipping past in the comforting knowledge that I wouldn't make any stupid mistakes and endanger their lives and mine. It felt wrong.
So I decided I needed the comfort of driving inside An 'L' tagged vehicle. And it wouldn't hurt to have somebody sit next to me while I reacquainted myself with the rules of driving in India. So I enrolled myself in driving school. To relearn the Rules. Of driving. In India.
I learnt very quickly that there just a few rules for driving here
a. The first and the most important rule is that There really are no rules. Any thing goes- as long as you think you can get away with it. You can drive on the right side of the road if you can get away with it. You can even come in the reverse way on a one way street. You can break a signal if you think you will get away with it. You can park right on the road. There is ofcourse no concept of a lane. In fact, it is advised by professionals that one should straddle lanes-so you can intelligently go in any lane that has the least traffic. And when turning right, it is advised that you go as far left of the road as possible (in the process blocking the guys who are entitled to a free left turn) so you don't have to wait in Queue to turn. You can over take any car from any side, no worries.
b. The second important rule is that India is a democracy on the road. Every body has equal right of way- cars; stray dogs; pigs; pedestrians talking on the phone unaware that they are in the MIDDLE of the road ; bicycle riders and motor cycle riders who have the special privilege of surpising you from nowhere ; rickety 3 wheelers and tempo travelers that have been around since God created Adam and stumble along at the pace of a drunk elephant, and with as much visibility on their rearside as a drunk elephant ; big giant buses and trucks driven by drivers under the mistaken assumption that they are piloting an aircraft; maybe even some UFOs. It is an equal opportunity space out there and you do not discriminate. The road belongs to everybody.
c. The third rule is that no matter what happens, you are to NEVER EVER give way. To anybody. Only Losers do that. And whatever else we Indians are, we are not Losers. Not on the road at least.
Somebody crossing the road ? We love to help by making that an exciting enterprise. Oh! Imagine the adrenaline rush we can give the pedestrian/car trying to cross -when we keep zipping past at full speed. Beats the roller coaster high any day.
Now all the above would make driving on Indian roads quite a challenge right / So how Do we Indians do it ? This is where the last and the most important rule of the road come in :
d. When in doubt : Honk. When not in doubt ? Honk anyway. Cruising along happily ? Honk. Going to make a blind turn ? Honk to announce your presence. Crossing a junction ? Honk to let those entering the road know that YOU EXIST. What to overtake somebody ? Honk. The idiot wont give way ? Keep Honking. Silly dog sleeping on the road ? Honk to wake him up. Pedestrian merrily walking in the middle of the road ? Horn to warn that you will run him over. Want to cross the road ? Charge right ahead. Just be sure to honk while you do it.
Honking for us garrulous Indians is the equivalent of the vehicles having a conversation. Sometimes it is just polite conversation like when you see another vehicle and honk 'Howdy'. The other guy honks back 'I am fine'. Some times, it is impatience 'Wont you just move along, stupid guy' ? Some times Anger 'Give me way, will you ?'. But most often, it is just announcing you exist. Honking to let everybody else on the road know 'I am there. I exist'. Just in case they missed seeing you inspite of your 1.5 ton presence.
When I was young, and we would go on road trips - I would be intrigued by this sign on the rear of all Trucks along the way 'HORN OK PLEASE'. I never quite understood what that meant. Now I well and truly do. All it means is 'If YOU ARE DOING OK, LET ME KNOW BY HONKING'.
Now it is now that I don't like driving. To put things in perspective - I learnt driving when I was 15 and have loved to drive ever since - except in situations when my husband is sitting next to me.
You see -being in a car -and being a passenger next to me- brings out the monster in my husband.
In our decade long marriage, it is safe to say that half of all our fights have been in a car. And many many of those fights -especially in out first year of marriage - have been about my driving. So, even today, I avoid taking the wheel, if the screaming monster and I are going to be in the car together - there is much more peace and quiet when the monster is kept busy with the job of driving.
Anyways, now that I am back, I want to start driving once again. My first day on the streets of Pune was a terrifying experience. Not that I had to go far - just cross the road to the other side, where the school bus would come. But the vehicle just kept zooming past and nobody seemed to giving way. I somehow completed the terrifying task of crossing over and back - but I felt like a complete imposter. A con-woman trying to pull a fast one on my fellow drivers - all zipping past in the comforting knowledge that I wouldn't make any stupid mistakes and endanger their lives and mine. It felt wrong.
So I decided I needed the comfort of driving inside An 'L' tagged vehicle. And it wouldn't hurt to have somebody sit next to me while I reacquainted myself with the rules of driving in India. So I enrolled myself in driving school. To relearn the Rules. Of driving. In India.
I learnt very quickly that there just a few rules for driving here
a. The first and the most important rule is that There really are no rules. Any thing goes- as long as you think you can get away with it. You can drive on the right side of the road if you can get away with it. You can even come in the reverse way on a one way street. You can break a signal if you think you will get away with it. You can park right on the road. There is ofcourse no concept of a lane. In fact, it is advised by professionals that one should straddle lanes-so you can intelligently go in any lane that has the least traffic. And when turning right, it is advised that you go as far left of the road as possible (in the process blocking the guys who are entitled to a free left turn) so you don't have to wait in Queue to turn. You can over take any car from any side, no worries.
b. The second important rule is that India is a democracy on the road. Every body has equal right of way- cars; stray dogs; pigs; pedestrians talking on the phone unaware that they are in the MIDDLE of the road ; bicycle riders and motor cycle riders who have the special privilege of surpising you from nowhere ; rickety 3 wheelers and tempo travelers that have been around since God created Adam and stumble along at the pace of a drunk elephant, and with as much visibility on their rearside as a drunk elephant ; big giant buses and trucks driven by drivers under the mistaken assumption that they are piloting an aircraft; maybe even some UFOs. It is an equal opportunity space out there and you do not discriminate. The road belongs to everybody.
c. The third rule is that no matter what happens, you are to NEVER EVER give way. To anybody. Only Losers do that. And whatever else we Indians are, we are not Losers. Not on the road at least.
Somebody crossing the road ? We love to help by making that an exciting enterprise. Oh! Imagine the adrenaline rush we can give the pedestrian/car trying to cross -when we keep zipping past at full speed. Beats the roller coaster high any day.
Now all the above would make driving on Indian roads quite a challenge right / So how Do we Indians do it ? This is where the last and the most important rule of the road come in :
d. When in doubt : Honk. When not in doubt ? Honk anyway. Cruising along happily ? Honk. Going to make a blind turn ? Honk to announce your presence. Crossing a junction ? Honk to let those entering the road know that YOU EXIST. What to overtake somebody ? Honk. The idiot wont give way ? Keep Honking. Silly dog sleeping on the road ? Honk to wake him up. Pedestrian merrily walking in the middle of the road ? Horn to warn that you will run him over. Want to cross the road ? Charge right ahead. Just be sure to honk while you do it.
Honking for us garrulous Indians is the equivalent of the vehicles having a conversation. Sometimes it is just polite conversation like when you see another vehicle and honk 'Howdy'. The other guy honks back 'I am fine'. Some times, it is impatience 'Wont you just move along, stupid guy' ? Some times Anger 'Give me way, will you ?'. But most often, it is just announcing you exist. Honking to let everybody else on the road know 'I am there. I exist'. Just in case they missed seeing you inspite of your 1.5 ton presence.
When I was young, and we would go on road trips - I would be intrigued by this sign on the rear of all Trucks along the way 'HORN OK PLEASE'. I never quite understood what that meant. Now I well and truly do. All it means is 'If YOU ARE DOING OK, LET ME KNOW BY HONKING'.
3 comments:
Shweta, I had the most exciting and hair raising drives along the roads of Punjab. All of what you say is true. You are the king or the queen of the road. Better not give way, I have been able to answer jai's question logically- why do people honk. For some radon even my sister, when she drives straddles two lanes! Not to mention the foot on the accelerator with crawling traffic.
I had made a lots of mental notes to blog about driving in India. I guess I did comment on the FB once and even posted it on the traffic police website. I thought they would keep it on forever on their site, but it went missing soon. I am encouraged to write again and add my bit for the benefit of the drivers and the pedestrians who are in anycase mostly on the road. Drive safely if not sensibly.
So well written and so funny! Honk honk!
Driver Shweta....uniform bana le, with cap, gold braid et al:)
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