The Lonely Onlies

These are the lonely onlies. One half of a perfectly matched pair of earrings. Their partner is no longer there with them. Lost somewhere, somehow. By themselves they appear intact, whole. But without their mate, they are wholly incomplete. Aren’t we - many of us atleast - like these earrings ? We need a partner - a soulmate to make us feel whole. A soulmate - our twin soul - whose presence completes us and whose absence makes us feel like we have lost a part of ourselves. A romantic partner, a best friend maybe, or a sibling. That perfect pairing took years in the making. A quirk got added here, a habit formed there, till we ended up as perfectly matched. Our identity tied to being one half of a pair. Losing our other half then alters us too, permanently. We are then perennially destined to be the lonely onlies- the one half that got left behind. Holding on to memories of another time..and wishing for a past that can never return.

Redwoods, Banyans and Bougainvillas

‘How do you do this ?’ A friend asked. ‘I need roots’. And I thought about that : Roots can be like those of the Giant Redwood - that go deep - built painstakingly, over generations. Roots that help you grow very tall, but maybe need just the right mix of ingredients to thrive. Inspiring awe for sure, but in some ways fragile too. Roots can also be like that of the Banyan - Many roots - each laid down at a different time- spread wide across - each looking small and inconsequential, but together providing sustenance. helping the Banyan thrive. The Bougainvilla has roots too. Shallow, to critical eyes, but put a branch anywhere, in any climate, in any soil, and it will still burst aforth with millions of flowers. Sometimes it will be atop a tree, or have climbed along a fence, taking the help of whatever it can find. Its resilience - we take for granted, abd brand it’s ability to thrive - as oh so common. But it is a rare bougainvillea that hasn’t thrived and a rarer one that you can ignore. No matter how many other plants it is surrounded by. 
The nomadic way of being I have come to appreciate, is not without roots. We learn, like the Banyan to build many roots. My heart gladdens when somebody mentions Bangkok, and if I Hear Thai anywhere, I want to turn around and say ‘Sawsde Kha, Chan Phut pasa Thai nit noi’ I feel pride when somebody from Bangalore shines in the spotlight, and each time I board a plane leaving it, a pang escapes me. I feel thrilled when I meet a Gujarati and can speak in a language I hold dear. And to Mumbaikars I show off that I know both Andheri (E) and Napean Sea Road. I preen when Pune is ranked as a great city to live, and mourn that Bangalore is not. I am passionate about US politics in the same way that I am passionate about Indian elections. I love Delhi for its large hearted people, US for its to push itself to be better, more inclusive every year, Mumbai for its efficiency, and Pune for its fabulous weather. From Thais I have learnt the importance of ‘sanuk’ and that losing our temper is a reflection on us. From Puneris, I have learnt to value simplicity, My college in Bangalore taught me how be be truly ‘cool’ and my maid in Mumbai has taught me work ethic. I haved trekked when in Pune and lounged on the beach in Hua Hin when in Thailand and camped in the national parks when In the US. I am discerning about the best Misal in Pune and the best Somtam in Bangkok, the best sandwhich Mumbai abd tge best Parathas in Purani Dili. I can be your guide in in Chinatown in Bangkok. on Commercial Street in Babgalore or in Crawford in Mumbai, with equal ease. I have memories of laughing till my tummy hurts with my friends in Bangalore and drinking on weekend with friends in Mumbai. Of my daughter’s first steps in Gurgaon and her first day of school in Bangkok. Of burying my mom in Pune , and dancing late into the night in Ahmedabad. Of house parties in Bsngkok and girlfriend breakfasts in Pune.  
We Nomads - we are a curious lot - we sprout many roots like the Banyan, but can flower anywhere like the bougainvillea. We are a little bit of every place we have put roots in, and yet know no place is completely us. We are both attached - hooked to our relationships, our memories - and detached - knowing and flowing with the impermanence of it all. We have taken the best from every place we have lived in, abd learnt to ignore the imperctions of each of them. 
I have been often asked ‘Which Is the favorite amongst the places you have ever lived in’. Does a bougainvillea ever choose its favorite home ? My answer always is ‘Every single one’.

Leaving Pune

Today I am in reflective mood. A move is on the horizon. We will move cities, though this time, it is an encore. A metropolis that gave me wings as a single working girl and then a couple of years later cradled Trayi beckons again. Noisy, Buzy and still, strangely comforting. As if saying ‘welcome back.’ 
And yet, leaving Pune will be bittersweet. I went for a walk at 5.30 this morning and It was noisy - noisy not from sounds of humans or our machines, but from the sounds of nature - chirping of hundreds of types of birds calling out each other..and as dawn broke, I could see a clear blue sky emerging - a luxury I hear in Mumbai where Blue Sky is now just a business metaphor. 
When we left Bangkok 6 years ago, our friends gave us a happy rousing send off - in the expat world we all understood that we were all travellers enroute to another rest stop. No matter how long you stayed, it was always temporary. Making friendships was a lot like speed dating. You evaluated friends quickly and became mates for life within months..because both parties knew that time was precious, in short supply. 
Pune, on the other hand operates at a langrous pace. People here have lived on the same street for decades. They have family living a couple of streets away and friendships that have stood the test of time - since kindergarten or maybe 5th grade ! For for a city that has a poplutation of 3-4 million, it is surprisingly small. Everybody knows everybody, or can find a common friend in one 5 minute conversation. If you are a newcomer, it gives you a sideways glance and goes about its business. It takes its time to embrace you, so you take decades before it allows you to call it home. But those that call Pune home, return from wherever they have gone to, to be cradled by its warmth. Pune - old timers declare proudly - is a city with a one way ticket. Those that come here , can never leave. So every conversation with Puneri friends these days is tinged with a sense of betrayal ‘You didn’t like our Pune enough?’ they seem to be asking, almost suggesting that moving is somehow a personal rejection of their city, of THEM almost..
But nomads must do what nomads are wont to. Pack up our belongings and our memories, the sights and the sounds of this picturesque city-town, and move to where life beckons next. Our last few weeks in lovely Pune have well and truly begun.

Anniversary 2019

Today is just another ordinary Sunday Ajit Venkataraman. You have woken up before me, made breakfast for all of us and rushed off to drop our daughter to her game. The rest of this ordinary Sunday we will spend like the hundreds of Sundays before this one - cooking up a delicious, but ordinary meal, maybe buy the veggies , take a regular routine weekend nap in the afternoon and if we feel like it, catch a movie, or catch up with friends or go for long walk where we will talk to each other non-stop. It was on another ordinary Sunday 17 years ago that we took the not so ordinary leap into the unknown when we went around the sacred fire saying our vows to each other, to be together through joy and through tears, to be partners and parents. There have been hundreds of ordinary Sundays since , and ordinary Mondays and Thursdays and Wednesday’s and Saturdays and all the other days , days filled with ordinary , matter of fact love - coffee or hot lemon water served in bed, hugs many times a day, holding hands while driving, or seeing a movie, or sleeping, of calling in a few times a day just to say hello, of bad PJs that make me roll my eyes, but break into a smile, partnering in the mundane tasks of buying vegetables, or teaching our child math or cleaning after our pup, or caring for family. And while we have those fun exciting vacations or parties once in the odd while, it is these ordinary days filled with dozens of tiny special moments that have made every day with you extraordinary. Happy 17th dear husband. May we be lucky to spend decades filled with millions of moments of ordinary, matter of fact love.

Give a Little Girl Voice

What happens when you give a girl voice ? She stands up, and speaks out - for her own self and most often, for an entire tribe. Young Fearless Girls are moving the needle, one issue at a time, working to make the planet more equal, more safe, more green, more clean. After the post about the spunky 7 year old from South India, who sued her dad for not providing her with a toilet, along the way ensuring sanitation for 100 other families, I wanted to honor the girls whose moral clarity, whose fearlessness, whose voice has moved me and stayed with me, but more importantly is moving mountains one stone at a time. Malala has been part of our consciousness for so long, we forget she is just 21. She was just 14, when she stood up to the mighty Taliban for her right to go to school. Emma Gonzalez, 20, survived a school shooting in Florida in 2018 where she lost tons of her friends. Instead of mourning in the darkness, she took her tears and her anger and became an eloquent gun control activist - taking on fearlessly, the gun lobby. Her words have moved millions and she has cofounded a gun control advocacy group. If you havent heard Emma's Speech at the March for our Lives Rally in 2018, you must. I saw it on loop and couldnt stop crying last year. ( Link here : https://www.theguardian.com/us-news/video/2018/mar/24/emma-gonzalezs-powerful-march-for-our-lives-speech-in-full-video) Greta Thunberg shot to fame in December 2018 when she took at 32 hour train ride to the Climate Conference in Poland, and took down the pants of the soft talking attendees in the room by telling them that they were stealing her future for the greed of a few. She has organized school walkouts and given a TED Talk on the urgency of climate action. She is only 16. (You can see her cutting speech at the climate conference here https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VFkQSGyeCWg) There are several like these, but these have not just stayed with me, they have inspired me and given me hope, that our world is in very very good hands. Fearless Girl is also a sculpture (in the midst of a little controversy now) that shot to global prominence in 2017, when She Showed up one fine morning, defiantly in the path of the iconic raging Bull of Wall Street. Suggesting it seems, that the bull would have to reckon with her, before being able to wreak havoc. Give a Fearless Girl Voice...and she will transform the world. #Fearlessgirl #HappyWomansDay

Gully Boy : Film Review

GullyBoy is a Rap/HipHop Musical. In country where every film is a musical, that GullyBoy still manages to own that stamp is a testament to the quality of music in the movie, how integral to the plot line it is and how it moves the story along. The story of GullyBoy is essentially the story of the underdog - abd as with all such stories, you know the protagonist is going to triumph over his circumstance and emerge victorious. What essentially sets GullyBoy apart is the world the film is set in : We are more used to seeing the Alps of Switzerland in our films and the trials and tribulations of the ultra-rich than the grittiness abd the darkness in the lives of those that live on the fringes of our lives. The limited ambitions, the life of playing with the law, the dead end road ahead that everybody believes you should have based on your address- Music emerging from these gritty environs is raw, and it hits a chord. The form of music : Rap and Hio Hop are relatively new to the Indian mainstream audience, and GullyBoy ensures we walk away being fans of this genre of music. Ranveer and Alia , the lead couple are predictably good- these are both good actors who know how to get under the skin of a character. Obviously as the title character, Ranveer has much more to do. From a tentative young boy who listens to music to escape his circumstance, a boy who is more a passive observer in his own life, to somebody who gets the courage to stand up for his mother and then for his dreams, Ranveer plays Murad with a vulnerability and sensitivity, that is still rare to see in a main-stream star. Alia’s character as the neurotic but supportive girlfriend has screentime, but little to do in terms of movie the story forward. However it is her milieu - middle to upper middle class muslim family - conservative enough to require a headscarf abd yet modern enough to educate their daughter to be a doctor that I found fascinating and oh so real. I have knows girls like Safina personally and their Hunger to build something of their lives, even when the environment isn’t entirely supportive is something I have experienced and admired. Both Murad and Safina’s characters live in a cage of their current circumstance - but both don’t believe their circumstance defines them - they dream of different lives and are determined - as Ranveer says to ‘change their reality so it matches their dreams’. This is what connects them inspite of their different economic backgrounds. The movie however belongs to the vast array of spectacular supporting characters - the friend who is a carjacker, the rapper who teaches Ranveer to rap, the father who marries again and who believes Murad should be focussed on reality not dreaming of a life that has no future..these characters add the texture to the story and make it worth watching. Overall, this film deserves a 4/5
Disclaimer : The one odd friend has cursed me as they watched the film after reading my review but hated the movie because they couldn’t handle the Hip-Hop. READ THE REVIEW : The first line says it’s a HIP-HOP Musical : 18 tracks to be precise. Would you watch ‘Dhoni’ the film, if you dislike cricket and hate Dhoni ?’ Same rule applies here.

Manikarnika Film Review

#ManikarnikaReview
This review is a week late, and truth be told, it almost never got written, as I almost never saw the film. The controversy around Kangana’s incendiary comments and the mud slinging on all sides that have come to define the lady kept me away from the hall. Besides, what is new to see in a story we all know so well. ? 
Ajit decided he wanted to watch the film and so we all went. The first pleasant surprise that 8 days on, the movie hall was still relatively packed.....which removed my initial apprehensions. Post Bahubali, Bollywood filmmaker’s are all jumping on the Indian Mythology/History marries superhero films format. Manikarnika falls squarely in that genre, adding an extra level of predictability by depicting a story we all think we know ‘woh Khoob ladi mardani’ . This is a very hard film to pull off and it is to Kangana’s credit that the film is eminently watchable, inspire of being completely predictable. Female superhero’s are still a novelty outside of the Marvel and DC universe, so it is still fascinating to see Kangana pull off looking deeply credible in an incredulous role. Remember that women doing superhero roles walk a much tighter fine line : they need to look appealing and feminine even as they portray warrior like characters. In addition, they lack the benefit of physicality that their Male counterparts enjoy : they cannot bulk up and look muscular, so have fewer tools at their disposal to be superhero-like : facial expressions, dialogue, body stances. And I personally thought Kangana pulls it all off really really well. Yes the war scenes lack the grandeur of a Sanjay Leela Bhansali film, or of Bahubali, and honestly the last 20-25 minutes are a bit of a drag, but all in all, Kangana had the star power, acting finesse and screen presence to keep me glued to watching her, and my inner feminist danced with joy listening to her rousing dialogue and see her mobilise her kingdom. Yes the film is all about Kangana without much role or screen time to the supporting cast, but isn’t that how it is in any film where the protagonist is larger than life ?. As I walked out of the hall, what stayed with me was the striking similarity between Kangana the actor and the role she has portrayed with outstanding finesse : a lone warrior taking on the powers that be, who are out to get her, to defeat her and see her fall. Fall she did in the movie, and fall she might too in real life , but nobody will be left in doubt that this lady is a fighter. I give the movie a 3 : totally worth your popcorn once. See it if you like Kangana and like superhero films, you won’t be disappointed.
PS. A special word for the stunning costumes.

2 Feb 2019, 20:32