i’ve come home to Bangalore today. I was last here in June to send ma off on her spiritual journey. I’ve yearned to come back since..and I’ve wondered what it would feel like. I entered Home and I can feel her here. Her home, her Hearth. Still mostly kept intact by Appa. Slightly messier and I think we need to fix this before Amma comes and throws a fit! The phone rings and I half expect her to pick it up! I can hear her voice here. Every room, every object has her essence still.
Some changes here and there : I open her cupboard and I see that Appa has expanded his wardrobe space beyond his tiny corner and occupied a couple shelves that belong to her..Oooops belongED to her..in the past tense now. But as far as I am concerned, this is her space still. Her home still. Amma was always clear about the rules in her home. And those rules are all our guidelines still. Even if she is no longer there to enforce them.
The biggest difference is the sound..rather the absence of it. Amma was a loud, talkative person. And she liked sound around her at all times. Both TVs would be playing...playing some inane soap opera, while she would be on the phone chattering away at her loudest voice. I hated the constant cacophony then. I craved for a tiny bit of quiet when I visited. And I complained ‘Why is the phone constantly ringing ?’
It is so silent now, I can hear Appa’s breath as he does yoga in the other room. I can hear the water drop drip by drip in the bathroom. There is so much silence, I want that cacophony again.
Some changes here and there : I open her cupboard and I see that Appa has expanded his wardrobe space beyond his tiny corner and occupied a couple shelves that belong to her..Oooops belongED to her..in the past tense now. But as far as I am concerned, this is her space still. Her home still. Amma was always clear about the rules in her home. And those rules are all our guidelines still. Even if she is no longer there to enforce them.
The biggest difference is the sound..rather the absence of it. Amma was a loud, talkative person. And she liked sound around her at all times. Both TVs would be playing...playing some inane soap opera, while she would be on the phone chattering away at her loudest voice. I hated the constant cacophony then. I craved for a tiny bit of quiet when I visited. And I complained ‘Why is the phone constantly ringing ?’
It is so silent now, I can hear Appa’s breath as he does yoga in the other room. I can hear the water drop drip by drip in the bathroom. There is so much silence, I want that cacophony again.
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